Capitals player headlocks and slams Evgeni Malkin to start a hockey brawl

Please do not touch Braden Holtby.

"I saw the puck and tried to shoot," Malkin said. "Maybe I touched Holtby's glove. The puck was available. Why he came behind me and upset, I don't know. It's been a long time with Williams, we've fought a couple of times before. It's a long story. It was a good battle, but I respect him as a player. It was like a different sport. I'm OK. It was nothing bad."

Sure, you had your typical scraps here and there. Tom Sestito and Tom Wilson punched each other.

Grateful Tom Wilson and Tom Sestito fought each other so the Penguins and Capitals can finally play hockey for five minutes

- SB Nation NHL (@SBNationNHL) October 14, 2016

But then the hostilities crossed over from pugilism to something just ... weird. I can't explain why, but for some reason Capitals winger Justin Williams decided to put Evgeni Malkin in a headlock and flip him onto the ice.

I don't know. Luckily nobody was hurt!

UPDATE: Ah, yes. Malkin spoke to reporters after the game, and he correctly guesses that it was for whacking Holtby's glove as he drove by.

"I saw the puck and tried to shoot," Malkin said. "Maybe I touched Holtby's glove. The puck was available. Why he came behind me and upset, I don't know. It's been a long time with Williams, we've fought a couple of times before. It's a long story. It was a good battle, but I respect him as a player. It was like a different sport. I'm OK. It was nothing bad."

I guess I missed that part because of how quickly Williams reacted to it. It wasn't even a half-second before retaliation was in order. Williams' hockey programming is already running at maximum efficiency!